wish I may I wish I might...

...please please please please, let me get out of this funk in time to enjoy my last few weeks in NZ...

The East Cape was lovely. I wish I had gone there earlier in my trip, maybe then I'd feel differently about NZ. I thought I'd fall in love with this country. I thought it'd be my mecca. Instead I just feel disconnected and lost at sea. I could live here happily, but I wouldn't feel a spark. I wouldn't call it home. A part of me is very disappointed by that because I don't really feel like Edmonton is "home" either. It's definitely where my heart is in terms of my family and friends, but for months before I even decided to leave I felt like I wasn't going to evolve any further there. There was nothing but ghosts for me. Maybe I'll see things differently when I get back? Who knows. I sorta hope not. New Zealand is just the beginning, and now that I know it isn't where I want to call home I can go out and find a new place that I do.

Currently I'm in Taupo... - Oh yeah, while in Gisborne on the East Cape I had my wallet stolen (or maybe it just walked away, they do that from time to time). So I'm in the process of sorting things out. It really wasn't that bad because I'm a smart lady and tucked away various pockets of emergency cash. And with a little help from home (thanks mom), my credit card was cancelled efficiently. I can replace just about everything else, and what I can't I maybe didn't need it anyways. So now Taupo via Rotorua. I played speed pool in a sumo suit tonight. That's about the highlight of my current trip. Last night I saw a really good NZ roots band too - Corner Stone Roots. They played at the hostel I was staying at so I got in for cheap.

Really not exciting. I know. I'm grumpy and anti-social. A wise friend once told me "if you want to have fun, you will. If you don't want to have fun, you won't" (something like that anyway). And she was right. Hopefully I can reset my mentality in Napier tomorrow and finish my New Zealand Adventure right. Fingers crossed!

blahdy blahdy blahhhh I'm on the East Cape

howdy folks!

my update is a tad more delayed than I originally intended, sorry. I'm now in Gisborne on the East Cape - famed for it's claim to be the very first place to see the sunrise of each new day. I will see on of those celebrity sunrises tomorrow at the wee hours of 6:30am. Can't wait. Riiiiight...

Anywho, this is a gorgeous and wonderfully laid-back place and I wish I could stay longer. I know in theory I can stay longer, but I still think it's time to come home. Err... I don't know anymore. Kerikeri was such a shithole it made me not care about even seeing the rest of NZ I just wanted to get the F out of dodge, as they say. But now that I'm not there I feel like I've been overzealous in my decision making! Gah! I'm really very frustrated with myself, particularly in the self-discipline and commitment departments...

Otherwise life is good. I'm relaxed, if not introspective. I have many things to look forward to in the coming weeks and each day my optimism and sense of adventure are returning. Oh! And I actually have a schedule! That's right right, I know (in theory) where I'll be for each of the remaining 30-something days of my trip. For example, tomorrow I will be back in Rotorua. Next week I'll see Taupo, Napier, Taupo, and Taurunga. Then Taupo (yes, I meant to put it in 3 times, if I zig-zag no one will follow my trail), the National Park, and Wellington. Followed by, as I'm sure you can predict, the south island. Incredible. It's almost as if I planned it all out. Imagine...

so that's me for now. Same ol' moody, emotional, semi-antisocial, tired, and grumpy-but-trying-to-hide-it me. The only thing I'm not is hungry. Go figure.

MacDonalds

hey! I'm using the internet in a MacDonalds and think I might tear out my hair from all the chaos around me. Here's another quick update due to money/time/internet/sanity restraints:

I've finished work as of yesterday. It was a glorious day (I think it may have even been a lotto day...). I'm leaving Kerikeri tomorrow in the wee hours of the am heading to Auckland to visit a friend and pick up a way-layed christmas parcel (yay!). Then I head back to Rototrua (for the ump-teenth time) to catch a bus for the east cape (said to be incredibly beautiful and rugged - like me). Then Taupo, Tongariro, and Wellington before returning to the south island for my "Good-bye" tour.

Living in Kerikeri has been less than wonderful but maybe strangley healing for me. I cried many nights from the frustration of feeling stuck and sharing personal space with 5 other girls. In the end we have become friends and they let me be moody and talk shit (also healing in a way, I love talking shit - it's a creative outlet). There will soon be a video floating around the internet of me making an ass of myself that won't make sense to anyone but us six. You may or may not see it one day, if I can get ahold of it.

When I get back to civilisation in Auckland I'll do a proper post. I can't form thoughts in this place (well, at least not ones that don't end in punches and flying karate kicks...)

I can't wait to come home :) less that 6 weeks now!

Feijoa Picking and the number 52

Yes!!!!! I have done my first week of fruit picking! Yay me! I was told many times over that fruit picking is really hard work for low pay, dirty, monotonous, etc. It is all of those things, but I think I got really lucky with the place that I'm at. I work with 5 other girls as a team, my boss is super nice - he gives us free feijoas and beer, I get to work outside all day, it's peaceful and simple, it's very active (lots of standing, walking, lifting and crawling under low trees), and the pay is good comparitively. I'm quite happy actually. I do not enjoy the place I'm living that much - I'd often rather be at work. But it's getting better as I settle in.

Having said all of those nice positive things, I have also decided not to stay. I will come home to Edmonton on the 27th of may! So I'll only work here for two more weeks, then I'll (hopefully) have enough money to finish exploring the south island and return (at which point I'll be broke). I still feel a bit back-and-forth about this decision, but over all I can feel a positive difference in my mood and energy levels so I think it's the right choice for me. It's quality over quantity after all.

I'll be home in 52 days! :D